Already got asked if we're dating
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My vagina is officially offended.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
