Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
