Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
