I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm experimenting with sincerity
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
