I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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