i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
