i was born a porn star she said
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
