I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
