She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
