He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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