my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Farmville is her only friend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
