WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
