She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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