Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
