I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
