We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
