For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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