Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
