You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
