i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
