If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
