Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
