I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
