You work out of a Hotel?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
