Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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