How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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