3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Four minutes until I can fart!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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