Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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