i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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