Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
