you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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