i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
