There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I checked into jail on foursquare
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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