Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
