Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
