Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
