I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wear drunk well.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
