Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
