She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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