you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
