I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
