Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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