love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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