I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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