First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
