Pappa wants mamma naked
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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