Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
