u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
