It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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