Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
