woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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