is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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