I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
