I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
