Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
kristin has been a bad kristin
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
