So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
