He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
