How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
