Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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