oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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