i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
